"Hi, I’d like to hear a TCP joke."
"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I’d like to hear a TCP joke."
"OK, I’ll tell you a TCP joke."
"Ok, I will hear a TCP joke."
"Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."
"Ok, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline."
"Ok, I am ready to get your TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have an explicit setting, and ends with a punchline."
"I’m sorry, your connection has timed out. Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
Rik Mayall died recently.
Here’s a snippet from “Bottom”, in which Richie (Rik Mayall) and Eddie (Adrian Edmondson) are bored and looking for a game to play:
Richie: What about pin the tail on the donkey?
Eddie: We haven’t got a donkey.
Richie: Well, pin the tail on the chicken.
Eddie: We haven’t got a tail.
Richie: Oh. Well, pin the sausage on the chicken?
Eddie: We haven’t got a chicken.
Richie: Well, pin the sausage on the fridge.
Eddie: Or a pin.
Richie: Sellotape a sausage to the fridge!
Eddie: We haven’t got a sausage!
Richie: Put a bit of sellotape on the fridge!
Eddie: It’s not much of a game, is it?
To the people running around Israel / Palestine abducting and murdering children:
Let’s face it, without mindless gob-shites like you perpetuating the cycle of violence something truly terrible could happen.
Who knows, peace may break out - and that would never do.
Anonymous said: What, no comment about Suarez?
I decided not to, due to the amount of flack I received last time.
It’s a classic case of “Once bitten, twice shy”.
If a doctor eats an apple, does she suffer an existential crisis?
Sandy Toksvig [The News Quiz - BBC Radio 4]
I went for a walk in the country the other day and encountered a group of lambs acting suspiciously.
I’m not sure they were ‘up to no good’ - but they certainly all looked sheepish.